Turkey Burger Baby

When I got on the scale this morning, after not having any dinner last night except for a hot cup of mocha coffee , I am @ 196.6 lbs. my size 14 jeans do not cut my waste in half today and my shirt does not round up over my belly, which has gone down from sticking out past my floppy old lady titties. But for some damn reason after eating my healthy turkey burger with sweet peppers cut up inside it (which was delish) I got me a cup of joe and ate a pack of cheese crackers with 9 goddamn grams of fat in them!!!! wtf??? My mind kept saying, what are you doing! what the hell are you doing!!! they tasted like pure oily shit BTW and I did not stop and even breathe the entire time I was eating them. wash it down, wash it all the way down with mocha gold and never look back. Now I feel like a complete failure, a fatty fatty peter belly who cant control what she eats!. I cant, I really cant control myself, and nothing will stop me once I put my sights on something bad to eat. Not sure why I hate myself.... I really can control it you know. I have went days without eating not much of anything. It has been months since I have had a baby coke and used to down two or more a day. Oh and lets not talk about the bag of peanut butter cups I used to nibble on all day @ work. But in slow motion I watched myself sabotage my mission of being healthy for that few seconds of *what ever the fuck I want to do* it was like I was pissed off @ that turkey burger for being what it was! a healthy cunt! well lets just wait out another week to release 1 stupid LB and go on with our lives.... fuck!