Lifting up shit...

So going to the gym 6 days a week takes a kind of discipline i dont have yet so 4 days a week will do just fine for me ..for now. Running on a treadmill is just a little different than running around my neighborhood at 4:30am or in the park with just the ducks around me. Its boring as fuck for one thing and I cant sing out loud or snoopy dance at the end of my victory run where i dont fall down or die. Lifting up stuff and making my legs stronger makes me happy though.. im just really worried about getting contaminated from all the breathing hard and sweat everywhere. I feel like im getting fatter though and my clothes are getting tighter and the scale is moving up up and up but I do realize its from muscle cause THE GUNS are stretching my cute shirts and my big ole man legs are ripping my skirts!! Lol The journey continues and changes from month to month and if your drowning in the bullshit river with me I hope you do start weight training its worth the suffering. I was starting my run as usual and i had my headband that reads "shitty shape shifter" around my neck to start because I change clothes at work before I go to the gym so its usually a fast process..im starting to sweat and my hair is all over the place so without stopping i pull the headband over my face and onto my twelvehead. I do my 30 mins and move to the leg department and the fast speedway all body work out..im all over this gym not paying anyone any mind except for the two guys that have duck dynasty beards that always move in motion together like hillbilly dancers...too funny. After im finished I go stretch n roll like a pig in mud and realize I should go because Penny Dreadful is coming on tv... I get in the car and look up to put on my glasses and get a glimpse of myself in the mirror.... MY HAIR IS STICKING STRAIGHT UP FROM MY HEADBAND! I look like something about Mary LOL im talking sticking up like a feather hat growing out of my face. Im such a dork! Didnt stop me from going back cause i laughed at myself harder than anyone else ever could. Might just be a new hairdo from now on its certainly a distraction from my big ole booty. Thanks for all the advice from everyone.. I am trying small weight high reps and squats really really suck but as they say no pain fat gut..or something like that..

ITS ALL DOWNHILL..

Im not over the hill..im down the hill.. all this time ive been calling myself a runner..oh just run i write!  Put on your shoes and run! Run till i dont jiggle..run run blah blah bullshit. Turns out im no runner im a jogger..im a skipper..im jiggling in big lady pants! Im a shitty shape shifter that still after a year long battle with the same 'last 15lbs' cant control how my body looks. So after my knee decided to get all puffy n shit i decided to join the gym. Do things a little different. I put on my big lady pants and place my runnin band over my willie wonka ass hair and as it rest ever so tightly across my huge twelvehead and reads..potty mouth..i get on the treadmill thinking im a pro..next to me is this sweet little man trying so hard to walk he is sweating and gasping for air but determined to live another day..im so impressed...then...oh yes theres a then..... ms. gymchica' gets on the other side of me and starts running like kate hudson with her hair flowing in the wind from the guy next to me and she never breaks a sweat... REALLY? Forrest gump here!! So i just continue to skip and frolic for 30 minutes and go for the leg training department where i proceed to break my vagina and get contaminated from the hussy behind me. This is lovelyness and bullshit all at the same time. And tomorrow i will do it again but in the arm department i will not break a titty. I will get on the treadmill and run downhill in the same direction as my big fat bubble guts are pointing because downhill is way better than backwards.

Valentine's day massacre...

I am consumed..consumed with what I eat..consumed by what I cant eat..consumed with what others eat. I hate the fact that I have to think about whats going in my body every minute and the price I have to pay whenever I eat things that store in my body as fat. I worry about not running far enough or how to avoid hills that hurt and the fact that im still fat! Today i get up and i am determined to run so i bundle up and dont get down the street till i hit ice thats hid under that stupid facehead snow! My legs go flying above my head and im trying to turn so i dont bust my phone and my left ass cheek hits the road like a bomb..hip is frozen n broken like the old lady i really am and my arm and hand are smashed under my big fat bubble guts. Well fuck me i say and decide im going right back inside. Mother Nature you suck! So i head to the store to buy some..not bread and milk..and in my mind i have already decided to binge. I want icecream and i want it now. I pick up Gelato Bars and at 6 dollars for three of them they had better be as naughty as i imagine them to be. I cant even wait to get home so i rip open the box in the car and start biting the shit out of this delicious thing and guess what...its strawberry icecream..i hate strawberry icecream! So i throw the box out at the bridge thinking a homeless person would enjoy them cause its so cold they wont melt. Binge averted. So why was i on the verge of a binge? Im happy as shit nothing is bothering me im not worried or mad. The only problem i have is that i cant eat what i want! Why not be happy at 158lbs and my jiggley 30min run?? My stomach will never be flat until i get it tucked so why not love myself just as i am?? :/ ??   So my struggle to not gain will continue but my journey to weigh 4 and a half pounds is finally over....for today

Multiple choice. ..overload

One melba toast with my coffee. ..one not 2 or 3 or 65.. one. One Handful of cherries..just a handful..5 or so not every freakin cherry in the pack..ONE! One is the loneliest bunch of bullshit in my river.. no self control is my problem so why cant i fix my problems with food even when i know whats fixing to happen. Some days nothing seems worth it..today is one of them. I need a therapist fast. My relationship with food needs healing...now

Cold turkey...

Okay day three of cold turkey livin... no sugar cept for my truvia on top of my gross strawberries :/and in my bitter coffee..no bag of popcorn sitting next to me in the car..no cookies..no doughnuts...no dove chocolate bar the size of my head..What I've noticed is the headache..the sluggishness..the anger..ohh the anger. So i have just a couple of days left to get thru the withdrawal and then I'll be back to the normal me minus a few lbs of fat hanging from bugs bunny arms and hulk legs... I chopped up my apple and threw it in the blender with some truvia..instant applesauce.. yum. .in my mind i thought strawberrysauce even better. ...nope they still taste like shit.. Lets face it i will smell a strawberry all day but im really tired of eating the damn things and pretending i like them because somebody somewhere at some point said they are super good for you. Well mail my share to all the starving little children out there cause id rather suck on a lemon.

Love Makes Me Fat..

Ahhh love ... its almost Valentine's Day my favorite time...well my favorite candy anyway and my true love..Speaking of true love..my new beautiful and sweet friends Lindsey and Amanda @ my awesome as shit new job have introduced me to these tiny little things called thumbprint or fingerprint or willie wonka print i dont know cookies AND OMG THEY ARE AMAZING!! (So are my new friends) :) we walk to the bakery and buy a dozen and i have all 12 crammed in my stupid fat belly by the time we get back to the office. Theres also this wonderful chocolate icing thingy that if heaven was real it would be dead square in the middle of it..so Lins decided its name is chocalate heaven.. (i agree) theres also huge bear claws that would be the claw of a bear if the bear was made out of a huge fuckin doughnut!  Yummy.. so after three weeks of craming a dozen cookies in my face at a time or a chocolate heaven cloud or two and a few lunches of poison and these things called chicken nuggets  (your right amanda they are nuggets of something but its not chicken. .i just threw up a little) i have gained another 8lbs :/ For everyone who is on this weight lose journey or i dont want to die from being fat plan just know that if you stop keeping track (write that shit down!) of the poison you eat daily or if you get lazy and stop planning your weekly meals YOU WILL GO RIGHT BACK TO FAT TOWN! Your body does not give a shit that you only had a boiled egg and green beans for lunch if you eat or swallow whole a dozen cookies it only runs to your fat cells. It also hurts when you run and the extra fat flops up over and over again and hits you in the top of the head :/ it also makes your pinkey toes fat and you have to buy new running shoes. Sooo moral of this blog. . Love of candy love of friends love of job....it all makes you Fat. So back to my real eating plan. Lets do this ...

No new floaties allowed..

Its jan 1st 2015. Long time no blog...Everyones resolution involves some sort of change bullshit. Oh lets be better people..lets get healthy...lets do better. Its been a year since I put on my blue running shoes and my whatever running hat and just took off. I stopped eating crap and crawled out of the bullshit river I was drowning in and onto the muddy banks of *oh shit this is hard*. I went from one or two migraines every two weeks to one a month and faced things headon like a' boss. Change makes everything wonderful. Today I stand on a mountain top and scream...BULLSHIT! The weight loss and being able to run without falling down is great and I can be honest when I say it feels good not to have my stomach stick out further than my tits..but its hard and the truth is the food is not why I have migraines! Some foods do make me have them but they come from out of nowhere. There is no reason for them that I can control and they are a curse that no amount of running can stop. And they should kill me like a train hitting you head on and full blast. No normal person could survive a true one. I have had my fill of them. So its been a year of running and it hurts by the way..my feet my knees my big ole ass all hurt..but it feels so good..:/ I have had too many migraines to count lately and trust me you do not run after one because sneezing hurts so bad you think a dagger just flew thru your skull...and starving to damn death because all the poison you want to eat makes your muffin top appear out of nowhere. ..It takes a week to get two pounds off and two days to put ten pounds on. While your body fights you every step of the way you keep  swimming thru the bullshit. In the front row seat of it all you stop.. you look around and you realize. .life is so great. .everyday is fun and laughing loving and on occasion eating a big ole oreo cookie is freaking fantastic!! We have all had problems and lost people who are precious and made new friends thru the year so lets do 2015 like no other year we've ever done..snoopy dancin' with class! One day one minute one giggle at a time with no floaties allowed..doggy paddle thru the bullshit like a new born baby.. totally love your guts friends and im so glad your all a part of it♡♡♡