Valentine's day massacre...

I am consumed..consumed with what I eat..consumed by what I cant eat..consumed with what others eat. I hate the fact that I have to think about whats going in my body every minute and the price I have to pay whenever I eat things that store in my body as fat. I worry about not running far enough or how to avoid hills that hurt and the fact that im still fat! Today i get up and i am determined to run so i bundle up and dont get down the street till i hit ice thats hid under that stupid facehead snow! My legs go flying above my head and im trying to turn so i dont bust my phone and my left ass cheek hits the road like a bomb..hip is frozen n broken like the old lady i really am and my arm and hand are smashed under my big fat bubble guts. Well fuck me i say and decide im going right back inside. Mother Nature you suck! So i head to the store to buy some..not bread and milk..and in my mind i have already decided to binge. I want icecream and i want it now. I pick up Gelato Bars and at 6 dollars for three of them they had better be as naughty as i imagine them to be. I cant even wait to get home so i rip open the box in the car and start biting the shit out of this delicious thing and guess what...its strawberry icecream..i hate strawberry icecream! So i throw the box out at the bridge thinking a homeless person would enjoy them cause its so cold they wont melt. Binge averted. So why was i on the verge of a binge? Im happy as shit nothing is bothering me im not worried or mad. The only problem i have is that i cant eat what i want! Why not be happy at 158lbs and my jiggley 30min run?? My stomach will never be flat until i get it tucked so why not love myself just as i am?? :/ ??   So my struggle to not gain will continue but my journey to weigh 4 and a half pounds is finally over....for today

Multiple choice. ..overload

One melba toast with my coffee. ..one not 2 or 3 or 65.. one. One Handful of cherries..just a handful..5 or so not every freakin cherry in the pack..ONE! One is the loneliest bunch of bullshit in my river.. no self control is my problem so why cant i fix my problems with food even when i know whats fixing to happen. Some days nothing seems worth it..today is one of them. I need a therapist fast. My relationship with food needs healing...now