Life is a box of choc..shit!

Life happens.. in the middle of life..life just happens.  You get in a routine and then shit starts happening and your routine falls to little tiny pieces..like rabbits turds all over your path to success. I know this blog is about my weight loss journey and the bullshit river im drowning in but I must trail off the norm for a minute. Our darling daughter got married this weekend and I cant tell you the emotional roll a coaster I have been on. Stress yes but watching her be so excited and happy has been true happiness for me. I would hear her laughter as she went from event to event yesterday and it was the most beautiful sound I have ever heard. she has spent her entire life sick but has grown into the strongest most kind women I know who takes no bullshit from anyone. And I could not be more proud to be her mom.... so with all the moving and wedding planning I have had no time to cook and pre..prepare my meals. I haven't eatin a bunch of junk but have skipped meals and left out greens and water somedays. That is even worse than eating bad stuff cause my fat thinks its starvin and wont leave its nice warm home around my stomach. I have not run everyday or even walked fast...I also noticed during this busy busy month that what boobs I have left have become flat. Not flat chested but flat like they have been put in a waffle maker and smashed. WTF. And then I go to the store cause im am constantly going somewhere and I realized today I look like a hobo who has been poppin tags. Ive lost all this weight and half the time my clothes are three sizes too big. Was looking good in clothes that dont ride up into your huge ass not part of the reason for weight loss? I have no answers as to why I do the crazy shit I do but when I find out this scooby doo mystery I will know why I was so damn fat. One day I will be able to open a box of chocolates and eat just 1 piece. Till then I'll keep my head above water one event at a time. One drama at a time. One bullshit pile at a time.

Butt front ...

My bubble butt is gone..its saggin like the two pigs fightin in a sack died and got roasted but my big fat bubble guts are still there. If stress fat is in your belly well I got a 10 lb baby in there! I went to buy a suit today and never ever ever did I image I would buy a size 12 and it be baggy Last time I bought a suit it was size 22... now mind you this is a victory but I want you to know if I didnt have this butt front I could wear a size 10!  I have 50 lbs of skin and fat on my belly..small clothes dont fit that! So when we are dancing and I say smack that ass....I mean the one on the front (b)

Pull the friggin triggers...

I got 99 problems and food triggers are 97 of them..my daughter is getting married in a week...just bought a new house..im moving..december has fleas..and errands errands errands..where are the cookies damnitt!! When driving around town ..bank..post office..store..fill up boxes..empty boxes..I had my to do list and stopped to get gas and the overwhelming craving for poison hit me and I realized that not only stress but even just a normal day with lots of things to do was a trigger for me from the wild wild west and I was losing the stand off. So I turned my little bug down a side road..ran in publix and got myself some organic cashews n mozzarella stix. A small handfull of shews n one stick kept my hands and mind busy till I got back home for lunch. Being unprepared is an easy way to put some pounds on that fat ass and make you give up..this shit is hard! Yes I have an apple in my purse sir what of it?? Yes thats a boiled egg in my back pocket lady and mind your own business!

Hope is a chocolate covered turd

Hope..you hope that your cured..you hope that youve concurred the bullshit demons of overeating..then one nite after stress comes to visit (the bitch) you go to walmart at 2am and you buy more than toothpaste and gel for your willie wonka hair.  I ate cheetoes. .I puked cheetoes. End of story. Fuck! Hope is just a chocolate covered turd. Its all bullshit in The End. try not to drown 

Hale to the V..

Do you know how you know your losing weight??? The first thing is when you put on your new pants and the seat of them are baggin like your Justin Bieber in his diaper pants. I found myself stickin out my bubble guts to keep my pants up which is usually right the opposite of what I do with them all day. The real way to know for sure?? The most exciting event of my week?? I could see the V when I got in my tanning bed!!! Hale to the V I say! My stomach has been so huge for so long just putting a cute shirt over it has been my fastest solution...but not any more.... I can see ..I can see..hale to my V!! Makes not piggin out worth the vagina victory! Next goal... find a way to tighten up this skin on the back of my neck..my back neck was fat..who knew :/

Neverending Land...

This is an uphill..neverending..torturous..battle. im never gonna be normal im always gonna be just a little bit fat. Emotional eaters will always have emotions. What the hell is bothering me? I dont know whats eating me but I sure know what im eating. This is total bullshit. Popcorn would be a fantastic way to mindlessly ignore the world but it seems to be made of poison just like everything else that taste good. . So I suffer for two days till I eat three oatmeal bars like a rat left at a carnival smorgasbord. Weeks of being a grownup shot to hell in a four minute downfall. If I would have just ate a tiny bag of m&ms like I needed this would not have happen. I still dont know how to deal with whats in the back of my mind without food. And ive noticed as I lose weight im still not comfortable in my body. I will never see myself thin but I can go to neverthin neverending land and dream of a candy mountain where I wear a running hat and a tutu with starving to death just around the corner.( Hello thin...where have you been i have been waiting and waiting for you...)Happiness is knowing where ever you live you can always move and wherever your mind is you can always change it ..if only for a little minute :)