Cookie Monster

You get thru the days with the willpower you need ..you dont overload on food but you feel that belly hurt that tugs at you all day. Your proud of yourself because you havent numbed troubles with treats or chocolate youve actually felt life and its woos. Just have one.then stop. Just have a small bite.then throw the rest away. If I could control how much I eat I wouldnt be a fat ass. I wouldnt have this addiction.  I would be 'normal'. I would love without fear. I would question nothing and enjoy everything.  After three days of stress .hurt .worry and migraines (small ones)... it hits me.. an animal that lives in me rears its bitchy head. Food will stop whatever emotion I cant control.  Publix has a wonderful medicine counter. 'Can I help you..she says..yes I say..I NEED THAT M&M COOKIE FOR MY NEPHEW!!!!!  LMAO... MY JOSH IS 25 YEARS OLD AND LIVES 50 MILES AWAY FROM ME... I NEED THERAPY JUST TO REMOVE THE SHAME.. I threw the cookie out the window..I littered on my beautiful lake. Shit...

Drivin ms daisy..

Jack Nicholson is the most unattractive grossness ever. Beyonce or Bon jovi cant sing. Kristian Stewart cant act. Me..well I cant get in a car with a box of little debbie treats. I can drive a stick shift. I can decorate a wood shed like a palace. I can run for 15 whole minutes without falling down. But I cant drive past Sweet Frog without wanting to eat a cup of every sweet flavor they have in one sitting. I envy people who get up every day and never think twice about what they will eat. Or put on a tshirt only to enjoy Thor on the front of it instead of whether it covers the blubber ass following behind them. I have no answer for why I am like I am. So im getting in my car and driving down to the piggly wiggly to get me some green beans...some  Bad Medicine as Bon Jovi would wail... :/  shit...

When all else fails..

Ive tried every diet known to women.. every pill .herbs .cabbage.magic fat melting mircle..water water water..starved. sometimes it works.. sometimes you gain.. sometimes you cry like a bitch in an empty cheetoes bag. if I lose a few pounds trust me its muscle or water weight.. When it fails ..because I give up after a few weeks ..it makes me feel like I have no hope and no self control..but let me just say if you have ever been on a diet for more than 4 and a half minutes you have self control. You just have to get past the next 4 and a half minutes..then the next..then the next. Your supposed to love your body at all stages of the journey well thats just bullshit. A big ole ass with dimples or floppy tits without dimples its all bullshit. Hang a tshirt on it and hope you dont have to pull it down over your big fat bubble guts all day. It took 45 years but finally the plan that works...wait for it..wait for it.. THE STOP EAT SHIT DIET! I had to just stop it. I still have body issues but my body doesnt hate me anymore I put stuff in it that helps it not the crap that rips it apart because it cant process shit. When I give in to cravings..or lets just say it..when I fuck up! My body gets sick and it takes at least 2 days of loving myself to feel better. Whether its the puke the diarrhea the constipation..or the dreaded headache its all part of the punishment and I WILL NEVER LEARN. But when all else fails I start over..every 4 and a half minutes

Square britches...

Yesterday was awesome.. me n k'lee apple spent the day planning and wedding shopping. Our little girl getting married?? Wow. I could go on and on about that but since this is a weight loss blog I'll move on... she spent most of the day pulling me out of the plus size clothing departments. Those little rooms that have 4 racks of big girl moo moos that are only in a handful of stores. Mom you have the entire rest of the store to shop in now..GO!! So I find mother of the bride dresses and for some reason I bring home the worst choice.. I look like a taffeta square. .and I make this choice because it covers up my jiggly bugs bunny arms. K'Lee said..whats under it? cause I know your hips are not that big anymore. Heather said..NO.. So back to the store I go today to exchange it for the one that gave me torpedo tits! Should have let klee apple pick to start with ...

Shake it like a Polaroid picture

Panic... I put on my pants and notice my bubble guts are hanging over my belt..oh hell no!! So I cheated ..fuck.. got up on a beautiful sunday morning and me n jiggly bits go for a run..my husband says lets ride up to the smokies.. lets do it I say. Off we go and of course EATING AT JOES is the greatest thing on the planet. Two hush puppies one cocunut shrimp and half a crab cake later im crackin! Its awesome. Then the hot n fresh sign is blinkin at krispycreme and standing in that line is like standing at the pearly gates. The basterds were sold out of banana creme but that was the best hot doughnut I have ever ate..cept for the second hot doughnut it was even better. I feel no guilt..I have no regrets but I am in a panic. Fat will creep up on you fast ya know. I must have not been in too much of a way.. after the puke I buy yogurt covered blueberries and eat almost all of them. :/  nope ..no regrets. Im home alone and I put on my loudest snoopy dancin music and im shakin it like a Polaroid until the fat falls off or hurts whichever is first.

Pump up the jam..& peanut butter

So ive been running my tits off for about 8 months now and I still hate its guts but love its guts too..theres a fine line there ya know..and my new plan is to firm up what jiggles when I run and fall down. My arms are finally tiny..er.. I used to have arms like Popeye and it looks like I have on a lace poncho I have so much skin hangin so its time to pump it up and get some guns! I think I should work my tush too it needs a twerky lift. I was told by someone who works out everyday to start with a jump rope.... *:€   u have got to be fuckin kiddin me friend. I rolled for ten minutes over this rubber thingy and now have a concussion with a broke spleen. Ive also been having dizzy spells I feel all weird and shit..could be malnutrition or low blood pressure not sure... but what I am sure of is that im drowning from drinking 75000 gallons of water a day ..tired from having to pee every 4 1/2 minutes and I need mouth to mouth from Salma Hayek or Eward....maybe they will bring me a nice juice box and peanut butter n jelly sandwich. Lose the pipe dream and heading back to the gym tonite and this time im just gonna lift up stuff... like a lady n shit

Sticks can hurt you..

My weekend workouts consist of dah do run run and the killing of the biggest tarantula spiders ever! I beat the shit outta them with my running shoe and my bugs bunny arms are reaping the benifit :) I wonder if they are coming from the lake because the germaphobe side of me wants to burn something down eekkkk!!! On another note I go buy some aspargus tips and because every school aged snotty kid is in Publix on tax free weekend I run in and out quickly. I opened the bag and it says tips n stems...STEMS are sticks. Green sticks. Did u know this ?? I think one jammed into my nose hole while I chewed. Then I look at the organic yogurt covered berries label that ive been treating myself to and 21 grams of poison have been going straight to my big fat bubble guts. Shit! Gained 247lbs this weekend..such bullshit! Now if I could talk Adell into marrying me so she could read and sing to me at nite with that sweet sultry voice of hers.. life would be complete.

W- stands for wide load

A Well ending to' being pissy' week... I have been eating like a bear storing up for winter on nuts berries cheese (do bears eat cheese?) and anything else that fits in my clinched fist. The stress that has been flowing thru my body has ended on my belly and my bootie is saggin but the belly is stickin!! But!!...butt I say...I go in the store and dont buy oreos like I wanted I walk away and go straight to this ugly skirt... xl..too big..l..too big.. M!!!! I FIT A SIZE FREAKIN  M!!!!!! never have I ever !!! so I buy the ugly thing just because its medium and guess what...im wearing the damn thing and I'm happy about it. Got some M overalls too and im letting my bugs bunny arms dangle in the wind while I wear them...proudly...stomach be damned :) my normal size W for wide load has turned upside down and M will be my crown! Thinking of wearing a cape too.. size M :) and F ..for fuck yea im wearing an M !