worth the weight

well well well.. its almost fall... stupid fall, cant go naked and all the big sweatshirts and coats hide the extra pounds..the part that sucks is your sexy husband sees all the extra wobbly bits when you get frisky every night so i quess i will keep on keeping on with my not eating crap. i did however decide to add a little watermelon here and there and it hasnt seemed to make a difference yet.. even though water is good.. sugar from the fruit not so good. everyone says sugar from fruit is harmless but my body does not except that fact..its reeks havoc on my stystem and lots of it makes me gain gain gain..so please save the comments about fruit is natures sweetness cause to my fat cells say bullshit bullshit  bullshit..  i still have a pixy stix here and there and a baby pasta when im on the verge of hissy fit..i went to the dr yesterday and weighed in at 190.0.. happy about that and my pants fit okay so some things are worth the weight and slowly losing is okay too.. that way my lifestyle changes without the personality change.. so for now i will enjoy the little bit of sunshine that is left in this year and brace my self for freezin ma balls off winter... summertime will be back before ya know it..keep on the healthy road

WHATS YOUR REAL WEIGHT?

I DECIDED TO GO BUY A SCALE THAT WAS DIGITAL SO THAT I COULD KNOW IF I LOST 1.4 POUNDS OR GAINED .6 POUNDS..I  REALLY WANTED TO SEE THE CHANGE EVERY DAY AND IT COULD HELP KEEP ME MOTIVATED... COME TO FIND OUT MY SCALES WERE WRONG ALL TOGETHER I MEAN WRONG WRONG WRONG!! I THOUGHT I STARTED AT 206 AND HAD LOST DOWN TO 192 IN THREE WEEKS...IM ALL EXCITED THINKING THAT THIS NEW SCALE IS SOMEHOW GOING TO MAKE ME MIRACULOUSLY LOSE ANOTHER 2 LBS JUST BY GETTING IT OUT OF THE BOX!! WRONG!! SOMETIMES THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CUSS WORDS TO EXPRESS THE AMOUNT OF FRUSTRATION AND ANGER AND WAYS I WANTED TO END IT ALL WITH A EATING FRENZY... WITH EVERY KIND OF DISH AND CAKE AND CANDY THAT I COULD GET IN A SHOPPING CART AT WALMART. I COULD EAT RAW PASTA OR COOKIE DOUGH OR EVEN WATERMELON UNTIL MY STOMACH BLEW UP AND I WOULD DIE ON THE FLOOR LIKE A DRAMA QUEEN ANIMAL WITH SKITTLES IN MY HAIR AND CHOCOLATE ON MY FACE AND ASS.. HOPING MY HUSBAND PRIED THE COOL WHIP CAN FROM MY COLD HANDS BEFORE ANYONE ELSE SAW ME. MY NEW PERFECT SCALE SAYS CONGRATS YOU WEIGH 197.8 .. WHAT KIND OF BULLSHIT IS THIS! THE TRUTH IS WHAT IT IS.. THE SICK HARD TRUTH.. SO THEN IM THINKING OH MY SHIT!!! I MUST HAVE WEIGHED 220 LBS AT LEAST WHEN I STARTED..NO WONDER MY STOMACH STUCK OUT FARTHER THAN MY BOOBS..WAS I REALLY THAT BLIND TO MY BODY?? YES ... YES I WAS. SO I PICKED MY CRYING UGLY SELF UP AND WROTE DOWN THE TRUTH IN MY LITTLE LOG BOOK (WHICH I STARTED NOT TO DO BECAUSE FOR SOME REASON IF I DIDNT WRITE IT DOWN IT WASNT REAL) AUGUST 7TH 197.8 / TODAY AUGUST 22ND 193.4 NOW MOVING ON TO THE NEXT DAY WITH A SMILE ON MY FACE AND A REASON TO BE OKAY WITH LIFE.. MY HUSBAND IS GORGEOUS AND PERFECT AND I PROBABLY WONT DIE FROM BEING FAT.... TODAY :)

sometimes you throw away the poison...

well lets talk bullshit today, after the stevia migraine i gave my bff the stuff to make her some great little low calorie treats... low n behold my no migraine friend is feeling sick as shit with a weird headache..i have poisoned my best friend..sometimes its better to throw the shit away. I am at a huge weigh in of 193 lbs today after a slow down and a fight with some oily greasy nasty shrimp at (Mexico) ..which i may have to at least give some credit because i pooped like a wounded coon after that dinner and may have lost a few pounds without meaning to.. My new favorite jeans are saggin and I may be wrestling into my smaller jeans by next week i hope..but shopping for tops for work is still a struggle..thought one was gonna be wearable till i looked down and it had ruffles spewing down the front like a duck dynasty beard...i like a beard on my husband not my shirts..all clothes now days seem to have a peasant hooker vibe when over the size of 12... my boobs hanging out of everything doesnt help either..but as long as my boobs are not sticking out farther than my belly i will be just fine..I havent said much about my job lately because i love it so much..im afraid if i brag too much a piano or anvil will drop from the sky and hit me on the head or they will figure out they dont need me anymore..but its the greatest job ever and i get to talk to my husband a lot during the day which is always wonderful..so todays big meal was scrabbled eggs with mixed in turnips and i snuck a pixi stick instead of a smoothie..remind me of this when i cant believe ive gain 4lbs over a straw full of sugar..oh well all is not bullshit..not today anyway

all dressed up with no place to row your boat..

MEALS ARE GOING GREAT.. LBS ARE MELTING AWAY AND GUESS WHAT?/ MIGRAINE!! OF COURSE IT IS!! I ORDERED STEVIA IN THE FLAVORS AND WAS ALL OVER SOME RECIPES FOR APPLES. WOKE UP SATURDAY MORNING WITH PLANS TO ROW DOWN THE RIVER WITH MY HONEY AND FRIENDS AND ALL I HAVE IS LIGHTS IN MY EYES AND BLINDING PAIN. IT ONLY LASTED ONE DAY (THE PAIN) IM STILL SORE AND MY VISION IS DOUBLE AND OFF SO NO HORMONE TROUBLE JUST REMEMBER TO USE TRUVIA ONLY OR I CAN JUST KEEP MY STUPID BIG BUTT AT HOME. ALL IS BULLSHIT AND ALL IS WELL ..196 LBS TODAY ITS GOING DOWN BITCH !!

DOO DOO OVER..

OKAY.. SO HERE I GO AGAIN..@ 202 LBS.. PUKEY SMURF.. WITH BULLSHIT ADVISE FROM A DIET GIRL WHO THROWS UP ALL HEALTHY FOODS BUT KEEPS HER CANDY DOWN JUST FINE... PREPARING YOUR MEALS IS THE KEY..I KNOW YOU HAVE HEARD THIS 10,000 TIMES BUT IT REALLY IS. IF YOU KNOW WHAT YOU ARE GOING TO EAT AND HAVE IT WITH YOU ITS MUCH EASIER TO NOT DESTROY ALL THE HARD WORK YOU HAVE DONE. SO WITH MY HUSBANDS HELP I WENT AND GATHERED UP ALL THE FAT FREE PROTEIN AND VEGGIES AND FRUIT THAT I NEED AND PLANNED ALL THIS WEEKS MEALS. COFFEE AND STRAWBERRIES FOR BREAKFAST (AND YES THEY STILL TASTE LIKE DOO DOO BUT ITS SOMETHING IN MY BELLY, GROUND UP TURKEY WITH FAT FREE BROTH, PEPPERS, EGG WHITE , ONION FLAKES AND SALSA TO MAKE MINI MEATLOAF, WITH GRAPEFRUIT SMOOTHIES FOR LUNCH, AND  CHICKEN STIR FRY FOR DINNER . ITS TIME CONSUMING YES BUT A LITTLE EXCITING TO WATCH THE SCALES MOVE DOWN. I FEEL LIKE IF I LET MYSELF CHEAT FOR JUST ONE DAY OR GET LAZY AND DONT HAVE WHAT I NEED TO EAT I WILL GO RIGHT BACK TO THE PHAT GIRL EATING AND NEVER FULLY RETURN TO THE HEALTHY ME. EATING WHAT I WANT MAKES ME FEEL LIKE SHIT AND MAKES ME LAZY AND UNHAPPY AND ONCE I START DOWNHILL IM A TUMBLEWEED OF BULLSHIT EXCUSES AND DROWNING BEFORE I REALIZE WHAT IS HAPPENING TO ME. PROTEIN NEEDS TO BE CHEWED...I KNOW THIS..I HAVE HAD A LAP-BAND FOR OVER FIVE YEARS NOW BUT EATING HEALTHY SOMEHOW MAKES ME FORGET TO CHEW..OR THE TRUTH IS ICECREAM AND CHEETOES CAN JUST BE INHALED.. NO THROWING UP... SO IF I SLOW DOWN CHEW MY FOOD, PUKEY SMURF CAN STAY IN THE BACKGROUND OR JUST GO DROWN HERSELF IN THE BULLSHIT RIVER... ONE LAST TASTY TREAT... CHOCOLATE COFFEE..ICE. TBSP MILK..2 STRAWBERRIES IN  A BLENDER... STARBUCKS CAN SUCK IT..DELISH!! MY HONEY AND ME MADE FAT FREE TURKEY CHILI YESTERDAY, CHILI TOMATOES, TURKEY, PEPPERS AND SEASONING WITH ONE MELBA TOAST AND I AM HAPPY TO REPORT ITS EVEN BETTER THAN ORIGINAL CHILI AND NOT OILY..YOU KNOW HOW YOU EAT SOME THINGS AND THERE IS SO MUCH FAT THAT YOUR MOUTH GETS OILY AND YOU GET ..THE DIARRHEA... ONCE THAT SETS IN IT DOESNT MAKE YOU SKINNY I PROMISE..SO JUST CHECKING IN TODAY AND CHECKING MYSELF..STILL DROWNING BUT HAPPY AS EVER..LIFE IS GOOD I HOPE FOR EVERYONE...

I TOTALLY MEANT TO DO THAT..

WELL BULLSHIT... ITS THE LAST DAY OF MY OLD LADY PERIOD AND ITS BEEN A LONG WEEK .. I FOUND MYSELF IN FRONT OF THE CHECK OUT LADY WITH MY SMALL BAG OF PRETZELS AND A HUGE DARK CHOCOLATE BAR SAYING "NO BAG NEEDED THANK YOU" BECAUSE I MAY IN FACT EAT THE FUCK OUT OF THIS CANDY BEFORE I GET TO WORK... IT BEING NO SURPRISE TO MYSELF THAT MY EVIL DARK SIDE WAS GETTING THAT LUSCIOUS TREAT AND I DIDNT GIVE A FUCK WHAT PRICE I WOULD PAY.. THE SANE PART OF ME KNOWS WHAT IS HAPPENING TO MY BODY WHILE EATING THIS POISON AND THE INSANE PART OF ME THINKS LIFE WILL GO ON AS ALWAYS AND MY HEART WILL NOT EXPLODE AS I RUN DOWN THE STREET CRYING IN MY NEW SNOOPY DANCING RUNNING HAT..HOW FAR WILL I LET IT GO? WHAT PASSION IS THIS? I AM A WEREWOLF THAT EATS HER WAY THRU ANYTHING THAT IS TASTY WHILE THE MOON IS FULL (OR NOT FULL..JUST UP THERE LOOKIN LIKE SOME CHEESE) AND WAKING UP WITH CHEESE PUFFS AND PIXY STIX DUST IN MY HAIR FEELING LIKE COMPLETE AND TOTAL SHIT. IT HAS BEEN A BATTLE FOR TOO MANY YEARS AND YOU KNOW WHAT??? IM SICK OF IT! I HAVE NO ISSUES WITH MY BODY IMAGE, I AM WHO I AM AND IF ANYONE DOESNT LIKE TO LOOK AT ME GO FUCK YOURSELF.. BUT I REALLY HAVE A DESIRE TO LIVE AND LIVE A VERY VERY LONG TIME BECAUSE IM HAPPY!!! I WONDER IF I SHOULD WRITE A SUICIDE NOTE TO MY LOVE ONES WHEN I EAT THIS CRAP JUST IN CASE I HAVE A HEART ATTACK AND DIE UNEXPECTEDLY...?? " IM SORRY PEEPS BUT I HAVE NO CONTROL OVER DELICIOUS FOOD AND MY HEART COULDNT TAKE THE PRESSURE BUT I LOVE YOU WITH ALL MY BIG FAT BUBBLE GUTS LOVE KIMMIE.. " I HAVE SURVIVED LEVEL 10 MIGRAINES FOR 48 YRS SO I GUESS A HEART ATTACK CAN SUCK IT! I GET ALOT OF GOOD ADVICE ABOUT HOW I SHOULD EAT AND HOW I SHOULD RUN AND HOW I SHOULD LIVE MY LIFE BUT AT THE END OF THE DAY IM THE ONLY ONE WHO CAN CONTROL WHAT I PUT IN MY MOUTH AND THIS DAY..THE WEREWOLF WON..AGAIN

CHANGE OF SCENERY

it's been a long time since I've blogged but the struggle with weight gain has been a daily bullshit river swim. I still eat protein and greens with very little dairy.. ive added candy, spaggetti, an occasional baby coke and run like a fat girl everyday i mean, month..well almost every month.. there seems to be some changes going on in my snoopy dancin life lately. I still love my life and rainbows and glitter are still shooting out my ass, but my scenery or outlook rather has changed dramatically. all the things that were going on in my marriage that I was ignoring, finally came running over me like a bus. I would run and cry about things going on and you think because you dont say it out loud it must not be true, but it is, it was so true and horrible... you go along fine. go along kinda fine ..go along fine and then BAM! life hits you square in the puss like a full blast freight train and it should just end you!! like kill you dead.. but it doesnt! you continue to live and hurt and everything you thought you were doing right is a sham! There is a hurt that you get over and you learn from and then there is a hurt that changes you and let me tell you friend I've been changed. the thing is.. now that I didnt actually die, this has been for the better. I could go on and on about how my marriage ended but in the end, it just did. sometime relationships end. I was determined to never love again and just lust, because if love leaves you, it breaks you in half, it can make the sweetest of people dark and bitter, but if lust leaves?  hell just go get some more, that shit is everywhere!!** but then, outta the blue I hear a voice from behind me, that was so sweetly familiar..I'll call him superman.. because that's what he is ..my superman... that smile of his that I had gotten to know over the years and that delicious looking duck dynasty beard he had grown while I hadnt seen him, took my breathe away! .. all it took was a hug that latest a few minutes longer than normal and i was hooked. He smells like fierce btw (so sexy) and after spending time with this precious man,  ALICE HAS FELL DOWN THE RABBIT HOLE!!!! Only in a fairy tale could life be this good.. this is what I've been missing in a life where I was complacent and thinking oh this is just what you put up with after so many years of marriage. Fuck no its not!!! You do not put up with cheating, lies and never making any money, you never put up with second hand love or being taken for granted.. you expect to get from the people you love what you put in, or tell them to go suck it somewhere and move on... this is the real stuff, here with my superman.. this is what life supposed to be like and may I add that the sex is something that has no words to describe it and if I did make up words no one would believe it cause no way has anyone experienced this man like I get to..OMF!! AMAZING! HE IS THE REASON FRUIT BASKETS WERE INVENTED! The way I was hurt yes, it changed me, but the way he loves me has also changed me and he has made me happier than any girl has a right to be. I adore him. he is my heart and we laugh and love everyday, life is so very very good. But now lets talk about the BULLSHIT RIVER that my mind seems to take me too when my emotions take over my eating and my body goes to hell in a candy basket. I have spent everyday the past two years having the greatest sex of my life and eating everything that my dirty phat mind has laid in front of me. Here I am, no longer running everyday, no longer eating what is best for my body and mind and no longer facing the problems my body has with food in general..LIKE IT HATES MY FKNG GUTS AND MAKES ME FAT AND GIVES ME MIGRAINES.. THE END... NO NOT THE END..the beginning, I decided to start running again, I got up put on my {this is bullshit} running hat and tippy toed down to the end of my road to the fat dog that barks too much, turned around jogged, skipped and tippy toed back home. I didnt die, but shit I thought for about 10 minutes I was going to. My precious superman was waiting for me and to be honest I would have rather spent that time in bed with him than running anyday, but if I dont start eating healthy and running again I am going to die of being fat and I want all the years I can have with him and not be pushing up daisies. So start all over again if you have to and just live! Live happy, free and if anyone has a problem with it they can suck it and go be shitty somewhere else. PHAT GIRL RUNNING, BLOGGING AND EATING WITH A SMILE ON MY FACE..AGAIN