I TOTALLY MEANT TO DO THAT..

WELL BULLSHIT... ITS THE LAST DAY OF MY OLD LADY PERIOD AND ITS BEEN A LONG WEEK .. I FOUND MYSELF IN FRONT OF THE CHECK OUT LADY WITH MY SMALL BAG OF PRETZELS AND A HUGE DARK CHOCOLATE BAR SAYING "NO BAG NEEDED THANK YOU" BECAUSE I MAY IN FACT EAT THE FUCK OUT OF THIS CANDY BEFORE I GET TO WORK... IT BEING NO SURPRISE TO MYSELF THAT MY EVIL DARK SIDE WAS GETTING THAT LUSCIOUS TREAT AND I DIDNT GIVE A FUCK WHAT PRICE I WOULD PAY.. THE SANE PART OF ME KNOWS WHAT IS HAPPENING TO MY BODY WHILE EATING THIS POISON AND THE INSANE PART OF ME THINKS LIFE WILL GO ON AS ALWAYS AND MY HEART WILL NOT EXPLODE AS I RUN DOWN THE STREET CRYING IN MY NEW SNOOPY DANCING RUNNING HAT..HOW FAR WILL I LET IT GO? WHAT PASSION IS THIS? I AM A WEREWOLF THAT EATS HER WAY THRU ANYTHING THAT IS TASTY WHILE THE MOON IS FULL (OR NOT FULL..JUST UP THERE LOOKIN LIKE SOME CHEESE) AND WAKING UP WITH CHEESE PUFFS AND PIXY STIX DUST IN MY HAIR FEELING LIKE COMPLETE AND TOTAL SHIT. IT HAS BEEN A BATTLE FOR TOO MANY YEARS AND YOU KNOW WHAT??? IM SICK OF IT! I HAVE NO ISSUES WITH MY BODY IMAGE, I AM WHO I AM AND IF ANYONE DOESNT LIKE TO LOOK AT ME GO FUCK YOURSELF.. BUT I REALLY HAVE A DESIRE TO LIVE AND LIVE A VERY VERY LONG TIME BECAUSE IM HAPPY!!! I WONDER IF I SHOULD WRITE A SUICIDE NOTE TO MY LOVE ONES WHEN I EAT THIS CRAP JUST IN CASE I HAVE A HEART ATTACK AND DIE UNEXPECTEDLY...?? " IM SORRY PEEPS BUT I HAVE NO CONTROL OVER DELICIOUS FOOD AND MY HEART COULDNT TAKE THE PRESSURE BUT I LOVE YOU WITH ALL MY BIG FAT BUBBLE GUTS LOVE KIMMIE.. " I HAVE SURVIVED LEVEL 10 MIGRAINES FOR 48 YRS SO I GUESS A HEART ATTACK CAN SUCK IT! I GET ALOT OF GOOD ADVICE ABOUT HOW I SHOULD EAT AND HOW I SHOULD RUN AND HOW I SHOULD LIVE MY LIFE BUT AT THE END OF THE DAY IM THE ONLY ONE WHO CAN CONTROL WHAT I PUT IN MY MOUTH AND THIS DAY..THE WEREWOLF WON..AGAIN

CHANGE OF SCENERY

it's been a long time since I've blogged but the struggle with weight gain has been a daily bullshit river swim. I still eat protein and greens with very little dairy.. ive added candy, spaggetti, an occasional baby coke and run like a fat girl everyday i mean, month..well almost every month.. there seems to be some changes going on in my snoopy dancin life lately. I still love my life and rainbows and glitter are still shooting out my ass, but my scenery or outlook rather has changed dramatically. all the things that were going on in my marriage that I was ignoring, finally came running over me like a bus. I would run and cry about things going on and you think because you dont say it out loud it must not be true, but it is, it was so true and horrible... you go along fine. go along kinda fine ..go along fine and then BAM! life hits you square in the puss like a full blast freight train and it should just end you!! like kill you dead.. but it doesnt! you continue to live and hurt and everything you thought you were doing right is a sham! There is a hurt that you get over and you learn from and then there is a hurt that changes you and let me tell you friend I've been changed. the thing is.. now that I didnt actually die, this has been for the better. I could go on and on about how my marriage ended but in the end, it just did. sometime relationships end. I was determined to never love again and just lust, because if love leaves you, it breaks you in half, it can make the sweetest of people dark and bitter, but if lust leaves?  hell just go get some more, that shit is everywhere!!** but then, outta the blue I hear a voice from behind me, that was so sweetly familiar..I'll call him superman.. because that's what he is ..my superman... that smile of his that I had gotten to know over the years and that delicious looking duck dynasty beard he had grown while I hadnt seen him, took my breathe away! .. all it took was a hug that latest a few minutes longer than normal and i was hooked. He smells like fierce btw (so sexy) and after spending time with this precious man,  ALICE HAS FELL DOWN THE RABBIT HOLE!!!! Only in a fairy tale could life be this good.. this is what I've been missing in a life where I was complacent and thinking oh this is just what you put up with after so many years of marriage. Fuck no its not!!! You do not put up with cheating, lies and never making any money, you never put up with second hand love or being taken for granted.. you expect to get from the people you love what you put in, or tell them to go suck it somewhere and move on... this is the real stuff, here with my superman.. this is what life supposed to be like and may I add that the sex is something that has no words to describe it and if I did make up words no one would believe it cause no way has anyone experienced this man like I get to..OMF!! AMAZING! HE IS THE REASON FRUIT BASKETS WERE INVENTED! The way I was hurt yes, it changed me, but the way he loves me has also changed me and he has made me happier than any girl has a right to be. I adore him. he is my heart and we laugh and love everyday, life is so very very good. But now lets talk about the BULLSHIT RIVER that my mind seems to take me too when my emotions take over my eating and my body goes to hell in a candy basket. I have spent everyday the past two years having the greatest sex of my life and eating everything that my dirty phat mind has laid in front of me. Here I am, no longer running everyday, no longer eating what is best for my body and mind and no longer facing the problems my body has with food in general..LIKE IT HATES MY FKNG GUTS AND MAKES ME FAT AND GIVES ME MIGRAINES.. THE END... NO NOT THE END..the beginning, I decided to start running again, I got up put on my {this is bullshit} running hat and tippy toed down to the end of my road to the fat dog that barks too much, turned around jogged, skipped and tippy toed back home. I didnt die, but shit I thought for about 10 minutes I was going to. My precious superman was waiting for me and to be honest I would have rather spent that time in bed with him than running anyday, but if I dont start eating healthy and running again I am going to die of being fat and I want all the years I can have with him and not be pushing up daisies. So start all over again if you have to and just live! Live happy, free and if anyone has a problem with it they can suck it and go be shitty somewhere else. PHAT GIRL RUNNING, BLOGGING AND EATING WITH A SMILE ON MY FACE..AGAIN