Love Makes Me Fat..

Ahhh love ... its almost Valentine's Day my favorite time...well my favorite candy anyway and my true love..Speaking of true love..my new beautiful and sweet friends Lindsey and Amanda @ my awesome as shit new job have introduced me to these tiny little things called thumbprint or fingerprint or willie wonka print i dont know cookies AND OMG THEY ARE AMAZING!! (So are my new friends) :) we walk to the bakery and buy a dozen and i have all 12 crammed in my stupid fat belly by the time we get back to the office. Theres also this wonderful chocolate icing thingy that if heaven was real it would be dead square in the middle of it..so Lins decided its name is chocalate heaven.. (i agree) theres also huge bear claws that would be the claw of a bear if the bear was made out of a huge fuckin doughnut!  Yummy.. so after three weeks of craming a dozen cookies in my face at a time or a chocolate heaven cloud or two and a few lunches of poison and these things called chicken nuggets  (your right amanda they are nuggets of something but its not chicken. .i just threw up a little) i have gained another 8lbs :/ For everyone who is on this weight lose journey or i dont want to die from being fat plan just know that if you stop keeping track (write that shit down!) of the poison you eat daily or if you get lazy and stop planning your weekly meals YOU WILL GO RIGHT BACK TO FAT TOWN! Your body does not give a shit that you only had a boiled egg and green beans for lunch if you eat or swallow whole a dozen cookies it only runs to your fat cells. It also hurts when you run and the extra fat flops up over and over again and hits you in the top of the head :/ it also makes your pinkey toes fat and you have to buy new running shoes. Sooo moral of this blog. . Love of candy love of friends love of job....it all makes you Fat. So back to my real eating plan. Lets do this ...

No new floaties allowed..

Its jan 1st 2015. Long time no blog...Everyones resolution involves some sort of change bullshit. Oh lets be better people..lets get healthy...lets do better. Its been a year since I put on my blue running shoes and my whatever running hat and just took off. I stopped eating crap and crawled out of the bullshit river I was drowning in and onto the muddy banks of *oh shit this is hard*. I went from one or two migraines every two weeks to one a month and faced things headon like a' boss. Change makes everything wonderful. Today I stand on a mountain top and scream...BULLSHIT! The weight loss and being able to run without falling down is great and I can be honest when I say it feels good not to have my stomach stick out further than my tits..but its hard and the truth is the food is not why I have migraines! Some foods do make me have them but they come from out of nowhere. There is no reason for them that I can control and they are a curse that no amount of running can stop. And they should kill me like a train hitting you head on and full blast. No normal person could survive a true one. I have had my fill of them. So its been a year of running and it hurts by the way..my feet my knees my big ole ass all hurt..but it feels so good..:/ I have had too many migraines to count lately and trust me you do not run after one because sneezing hurts so bad you think a dagger just flew thru your skull...and starving to damn death because all the poison you want to eat makes your muffin top appear out of nowhere. ..It takes a week to get two pounds off and two days to put ten pounds on. While your body fights you every step of the way you keep  swimming thru the bullshit. In the front row seat of it all you stop.. you look around and you realize. .life is so great. .everyday is fun and laughing loving and on occasion eating a big ole oreo cookie is freaking fantastic!! We have all had problems and lost people who are precious and made new friends thru the year so lets do 2015 like no other year we've ever done..snoopy dancin' with class! One day one minute one giggle at a time with no floaties allowed..doggy paddle thru the bullshit like a new born baby.. totally love your guts friends and im so glad your all a part of it♡♡♡

Now im like ..whatever..

Its been a while since my last blog..I am a woman out of control as always but my blog is called drowning in the bullshit river not drowning in denial river..I know im out of control..HENCE THE BLOG... I lost all control on Halloween I ate so much candy that the verge of puke state lastest two days. Chocolate mustache was beginning to look like a real porn tache and skittles looked like hair bows stuck in my willie wonka curls. I think my eyes even changed colors due to the sugar rush. The crash came with a personality dysfunction I may have acted a bit ugly till my blood flowed clean again till the scale showed a normal read. My big fat bubble guts jiggled a little louder as I ran and cried but at this point it was all worth it.  Now it's after Thanksgiving and all I really went crazy on was my mother in laws dressing and that shit should be marketed and sold in stores so also worth it. But today???? Im having a hard time.. I need candy I need comfort..I need to punch babies. Will there ever be a time when food is not my enemy?? Ugghh I need to run ..run away

Hallowbullshit...

What a fucked up day..I head out in the freezin cold this morning to go get stuff to kill the fleas on december (again) and my gas light comes on.. of course. Im not driving slow cause lets face it I never drive slow and theres a huge board in the way of me turning into the gas station so I just turn a little farther down and BAM I hit the huge curb with my new car. It sounded like the back of my car broke off and a second little light said low tire pressure..shit! I turn around and go directly to walmart. When I get out and look at the damage ive done I want to throw up..there are not enough cuss words to even come close to helping so my only alternative?? Tears.. my back tire is flat and my beautiful wheel is stratched :(...  the walmart guy tries to put air in it and it leakes right back out... guess what I learned today..if you buy a 2015 car it will not come with a spare tire.. (loads of stuff to say but moving on) so now I have  to call kevin (ex husband now)and take him away from work he gets there says "the fun never stops" (cause he is an ass) pays for me a tire and goes back to work. 30 minutes later the Guy comes out says my wheels have locks and he cant get my wheel off without the key that is not in the car.. (the key that is at home in the garage) :/ I call kevin no answer ..kia they are assholes.. klee no answer.. kerry no answer ..god no answer..im fucked. Kevin calls back 30mins later hateful and is too far away so I decide im calling a taxi..30$ to wait 35 minutes for him to get there and drive me 5 miles!! No way! The sweetest little girl that works there offered to let me take her car..I took it.. filled up her gas tank and gave her the 30$ good people do still exist. I want you to know I have been at walmart for over five hours at this point and was ready to walk home. Im not sure which was worse the fact that I hurt my new car or realizing some other things that I dont want to really face right now..so after I get home I have never been more thankful for halloween and so happy that im so selfish not one kid got any candy from me last night so I still had lots to drown my sorrows in. I ate candy till my skin smells like candy mountain and my tears like kool-aid..this day can kiss my butt on its way out.. tomorrow im doing something fun just for me cause detoxification will have to begin..halloween rehab♡

Monster cereal...

One of each..Frankenberry..Countchocula..Booberry. its halloween so the monster cereal is on every shelf at Publix so its a need..a want..a must..I take it home with my 0% fat milk (creamy colored water) and I start with Frankenberry cause hes the prettiest and im so disappointed.. it really does taste like pencil shavings...the berries are not that sweet or my taste buds have gotten old. To be honest its kinda slimy not fun at all so I put it in Decembers bowl and she looks at me like I'm crazy. She wont even eat it. So one at a time my childhood eating adentures are shot down..crash n burn..back to my bowled egg and coffee. At least when I run a frankenberry wont jump out of my nose because cardboard doesn't digest. 

Friend day..

Friend day!!!! It used to be everyday when me and Heather would get together and do lunch and talk talk talk..but since I moved way over here in ooltewah we only have friend day once a month. We went to the movies which we all know has the most mouth watering poison in the world. She promised no popcorn and we didnt. What an awesome supportive friend. I did carry cheese.. nuts and yogurt balls in my purse and she didnt judge me. :) Today I get on my runnin hat and start slow as always..its still dark of course so noone in the neighborhood will see my ass floppin..I get up the hill and it starts to pour the rain.. I just kept runnin..runnin..runnin..crying..crying..crying. theres nothing like it. Life comes pouring with the rain..hurt frustrations anger..all come running down my face. I want to stop and eat a twinkie but a good song comes on and I chose to sing. .loud..I hope I wake up everyone within ear shot. Someone ask me yesterday what do you do when life gets comforted by food..I dont know I said. And I dont.. What do we do?? Life is hard..we get up ..breathe in and out..the belly hurt takes over sometimes till the only way to stop it is eat....or run. If I run hard enough...fast enough..maybe it wont catch me. Revenge only hurts me but it might be better than food.. im sure it weighs more. So I invite life in and give it the finger. This moment is awesome and then the next moment is awesome..then I run into my garage soaking wet and dance to taylor swift..shake it victory dance..if only snoopy or Heather were here :)

Livin the sweet life...

Halloweenie!!! One of my favorite holidays.  Not because of spooks.. scary movies or thiller being played every 7 minutes but because of the CANDY! Halloween candy isles have their own theme song. You walk in..music plays ..*tada yummy yummy (yes I wrote it) lights flash and rainbows shoot across the beautiful pieces of sugar poison. I can buy enough to last till Thankgiving candy because I dont give out candy to little children..I keep it for myself.. then thanksgiving last till Christmas candy which is pretty damn good. The sweet chocolate that I put in everyones stocking is just a trick cause im really gonna steal it later and eat it myself. Valentines..well we all known how gorgeous that huge snoopy box of chocolates my honey buys me is.. one bite then put that piece back..another bite on a dark piece..then another..yummmm. then I wait for Easter candy..the greatest candy ever!!! Not just the kinds of candy but the beautiful colors put a smile on my face for weeks. And fat rolls on my chin for years. Easter candy doesnt last till 4th of July candy and its not so good and never last till the long wait back to halloween....* trick or treat.. swell my feet..give me cheese n nuts to eat! Bullshit I want poison