The light at the end of my tunnel is a MIGRAINE

I have not seen those damn lights in 7 months..the longest span of time without a migraine in my 45 years of being alive. When I stopped eating the poison crap I was gorging on, the headaches stopped. Now let me explain that what my family calls migraines are really migraines..not a headache where people actually function and say oh I had a migraine this morning..these damn things are like a stroke! Im going about my normal day..not a warning until my vision is off. I blink like a frog in a hail storm hoping its not so, but then the lights..the strobe lights.. start blinking in the shape of a lightening bolt..i know its here..well fuck!!..where am I and how close are my shots??. I have to knock myself out and get in the dark before the pain hits...oh god the pain. Then my mouth my hands and sometimes my whole arm get numb..I know my name but I couldnt tell you what it is.. all that comes out is..lights..theres lights in my eyes! Panic sets in and I hope im asleep before it gets worse. I  hunt my meds and the frozen juice box in the freezer or the heating pad. A knife stabs the side of my head with a seven month vengeance and I pray for death. Not one time in my life has prayer worked..the pain does not stop until it wants to and im what me and my sister call "crazy" for about three days. I continue to drop things and if I sneeze or throw up it feels like a bullet just blew my brains out and im crying like a little girl. Then for a week im afraid to look at the beautiful sun which I love love love, because im terrified the lights will come back. A normal women could not suffer through this..what doesnt kill us makes us stronger?? Bullshit!!! well sometimes it should kill us. Im going back to bed.

Scales are the devil

I laid my head on the pillow..tired from the days shenanigans. .ears bleeding from listening to the lives of others and I think I have accomplished a good day of healthy choses. WRONG! I get on the scales at the butt crack of dawn ..cause it has been said you weigh less in the early morning.. and that little line has moved..the wrong way. :(.. would crying help lose two pounds cause thats how much my tears would weigh if I ever let myself actually cry this out. Emotions take over and I cry all over my bitter coffee and stupid strawberries. Tastes like shit. Oh happy day..I need pancakes

The lickie list and a really big spoon

CAKE. KRISPY CREMES. COOKIES. CHOCOLATE ICECREAM. M&M BLAST...A REALLY REALLY BIG SPOON. THIS IS ALL I NEED ..FOR BREAKFAST. Food addiction is the hardest to overcome because I have  to eat everyday and for some damn reason I dont want a stupid piece of grilled chicken :/ and for the love of god why does broccoli taste like a vile weed without that buttery cheese laying so beautifully over top of it. Candy seems to be my personality fuel so now im just pissy. Not much to say today my list of things I need is all I need ... fuck 

Wearin my skin like a bad dress

Im looking at myself in the mirror and all my clothes are huge on me. This is not a bad thing..what is bad is that im not wearing a dress.. thats my skin!! My boobs are hanging down to my waist..they look like two icing bags with corn nipplets at the end..my neck looks like a vagina and dont get me started on that body part cause I cant find it. So today my husband ..after looking at my size 14 body wear around size 20 clothes.. gives me clothes money and hints nicely that I could look better in this body im starving for. So off I go and I cant get myself to get out of the baggy old lady clothes department.  It seems easy now to buy big dresses or wide shirts to cover up my huge belly and tits that bounce to my chin and so hard to find something "normal" to wear. I still have alot of inches to go so I dont want to buy too much..maybe just a bra that doesnt lay on my chest while my boobies hang so nicely underneath its wires..1st stop ...titty holders

Piranha!

Ouchy.. I gained 12 1/2 pounds in 2 days..it can only be one thing..MOTHER NATURE. she is a shitty bitch. It feels as though my insides are filled with piranha and they are chewing on my guts. So no there will be no running today even if I feel like the hulk because the 'anger wall of pain' is controlling my actions I chose to drink coffee and eat strawberries on my balcony. Stuart n Anne ..my ducks that I say are mine, swim around and conversate about how they need a better breakfast make me realize how good life really is and how wonderful strawberries smell and how they taste like bitter shit. Only one outta 10 is actually rotten enough to not make your ass pucker.. but I will continue to eat them because blueberries taste even worse. I hope everyones day is snoopy dancin fun! Dear Mother Nature..I hate your guts..Love Kimmie

saddle wagon

:0...  is every damn commercial   on tv not about food?? Maybe some car insurance ..which I cant eat ..but definitely about food. And have you looked at whats in our food even before we take it home and cook it? They add hormones to "chicken-little" we all know that but did you know its injected with broth and seasonings and probably crack at some point for " flavor ". And lets not forget the poison they add so our food can stay " fresh " on our shelves  for 2 years in case of a zombie apocalypse.  I dont know about you but if I buy some pasta.. that shit will be eatin before the week is out.. along with that loaded up muscle chicken. Oh and that beautiful salad I made ..can wilt in my matching bowl beside that gross watery disgusting glass of water I set out to look pretty. They say our makeup is water water water.. well im not sure who they are measuring but my makeup is fat and I am forcing down a half gallon a day of this "life water" and it feels like punishment..like medicine that will save me :/ ..bullshit!!! a spoon full of sugar helps the medicine go down..just ask Mary Poppins. Now that lady was smart!   So one step today..then another..then a couple more..till I run run run..and as my ass cheeks bounce off the back of my knees I will sing..watch the ducks..and drink my crappy bottle of water....fuck me

Da do runrunrun da do run run

Run run run....omg this is alot of fat to carry around! Pant pant pant... fall down. Walk walk walk..run ..ok I can do this and not die! I am grateful for the ducks I get to stop and watch them and catch my breath. Run run run..pit bull, savage, and gaga blasting in my ears...my 42 long boobs are swingin in the wind..my knees may be a little sore tomorrow from one boob at a time slappin them but I dont show them much. New game: boob pong while running..awesome :)           When I get home after that first run I feel like I did the right thing. I had already decided to stop eating shit, its january 2014 my migraines are taking over my life and my dad had a heartattack back in November. My thoughts were ..if he walks everyday eats pretty good and can still almost die..im in trouble. On a daily basis what goes in my mouth is ridiculous! Cereal (cardboard and sugar) milk, doughnuts, baby cokes (6 a day) candy candy candy and cake. A twizzlers was permanently attached to my hand. Mexican (mexico for lunch is what I call it) vanilla coffee drinks that I call MOCHAS was attached to the other hand. Im snoopy dancin friend I think life is good :0                          So I look at myself after seein a picture from a midnight movie date to see THOR 2 with k'lee apple HOW IN THE FUCK DO I NOT KNOW HOW FAT I AM!! expensive clothes do not cover this up!! Talk about floating down a bullshit river!  So I text my bestfriend... Lets take pictures of our bodies that only we can see, weigh,  then measure ourselves. Lets finally do this and stop pissin n moanin. Reality throws me onto the bank and out of the bullshit river. Im fat..not chuncky. Not overweight.  FAT FAT FAT. this is not cute friends. Not cute. :/ so everyday I'm gonna move this tub of lard and stop sitting in front of the tv with all my feelings and everyones problems on my plate.(which fits on my belly like a tv tray)hey bitch.. YOUR FAT..GO RUN!! and thats just what I did..run

Dog paddle

Drowning..thats what I'm doing. I am drowning in all the bullshit that passes through my day. Me? I'm smiling while eating shit with a fork. I am fat..was born fat and since I have recently decided to not die from fatness.. IM STARVING!! My worst fear is that now that I cant eat my feelings I have to think about them and possibly deal with them. How?? Beats the hell outta me since I'm always the girl with sunshine and rainbows shooting out her ass for everyone else. When it comes down to the wire..cake...candy or whatever I really dont have friends that ask how i am .... so since I have noone to tell how I'm feeling lets blog this shit :) not drowning alone feels like fun!  Woot woot!!