Now im like ..whatever..

Its been a while since my last blog..I am a woman out of control as always but my blog is called drowning in the bullshit river not drowning in denial river..I know im out of control..HENCE THE BLOG... I lost all control on Halloween I ate so much candy that the verge of puke state lastest two days. Chocolate mustache was beginning to look like a real porn tache and skittles looked like hair bows stuck in my willie wonka curls. I think my eyes even changed colors due to the sugar rush. The crash came with a personality dysfunction I may have acted a bit ugly till my blood flowed clean again till the scale showed a normal read. My big fat bubble guts jiggled a little louder as I ran and cried but at this point it was all worth it.  Now it's after Thanksgiving and all I really went crazy on was my mother in laws dressing and that shit should be marketed and sold in stores so also worth it. But today???? Im having a hard time.. I need candy I need comfort..I need to punch babies. Will there ever be a time when food is not my enemy?? Ugghh I need to run ..run away

Hallowbullshit...

What a fucked up day..I head out in the freezin cold this morning to go get stuff to kill the fleas on december (again) and my gas light comes on.. of course. Im not driving slow cause lets face it I never drive slow and theres a huge board in the way of me turning into the gas station so I just turn a little farther down and BAM I hit the huge curb with my new car. It sounded like the back of my car broke off and a second little light said low tire pressure..shit! I turn around and go directly to walmart. When I get out and look at the damage ive done I want to throw up..there are not enough cuss words to even come close to helping so my only alternative?? Tears.. my back tire is flat and my beautiful wheel is stratched :(...  the walmart guy tries to put air in it and it leakes right back out... guess what I learned today..if you buy a 2015 car it will not come with a spare tire.. (loads of stuff to say but moving on) so now I have  to call kevin (ex husband now)and take him away from work he gets there says "the fun never stops" (cause he is an ass) pays for me a tire and goes back to work. 30 minutes later the Guy comes out says my wheels have locks and he cant get my wheel off without the key that is not in the car.. (the key that is at home in the garage) :/ I call kevin no answer ..kia they are assholes.. klee no answer.. kerry no answer ..god no answer..im fucked. Kevin calls back 30mins later hateful and is too far away so I decide im calling a taxi..30$ to wait 35 minutes for him to get there and drive me 5 miles!! No way! The sweetest little girl that works there offered to let me take her car..I took it.. filled up her gas tank and gave her the 30$ good people do still exist. I want you to know I have been at walmart for over five hours at this point and was ready to walk home. Im not sure which was worse the fact that I hurt my new car or realizing some other things that I dont want to really face right now..so after I get home I have never been more thankful for halloween and so happy that im so selfish not one kid got any candy from me last night so I still had lots to drown my sorrows in. I ate candy till my skin smells like candy mountain and my tears like kool-aid..this day can kiss my butt on its way out.. tomorrow im doing something fun just for me cause detoxification will have to begin..halloween rehab♡

Monster cereal...

One of each..Frankenberry..Countchocula..Booberry. its halloween so the monster cereal is on every shelf at Publix so its a need..a want..a must..I take it home with my 0% fat milk (creamy colored water) and I start with Frankenberry cause hes the prettiest and im so disappointed.. it really does taste like pencil shavings...the berries are not that sweet or my taste buds have gotten old. To be honest its kinda slimy not fun at all so I put it in Decembers bowl and she looks at me like I'm crazy. She wont even eat it. So one at a time my childhood eating adentures are shot down..crash n burn..back to my bowled egg and coffee. At least when I run a frankenberry wont jump out of my nose because cardboard doesn't digest. 

Friend day..

Friend day!!!! It used to be everyday when me and Heather would get together and do lunch and talk talk talk..but since I moved way over here in ooltewah we only have friend day once a month. We went to the movies which we all know has the most mouth watering poison in the world. She promised no popcorn and we didnt. What an awesome supportive friend. I did carry cheese.. nuts and yogurt balls in my purse and she didnt judge me. :) Today I get on my runnin hat and start slow as always..its still dark of course so noone in the neighborhood will see my ass floppin..I get up the hill and it starts to pour the rain.. I just kept runnin..runnin..runnin..crying..crying..crying. theres nothing like it. Life comes pouring with the rain..hurt frustrations anger..all come running down my face. I want to stop and eat a twinkie but a good song comes on and I chose to sing. .loud..I hope I wake up everyone within ear shot. Someone ask me yesterday what do you do when life gets comforted by food..I dont know I said. And I dont.. What do we do?? Life is hard..we get up ..breathe in and out..the belly hurt takes over sometimes till the only way to stop it is eat....or run. If I run hard enough...fast enough..maybe it wont catch me. Revenge only hurts me but it might be better than food.. im sure it weighs more. So I invite life in and give it the finger. This moment is awesome and then the next moment is awesome..then I run into my garage soaking wet and dance to taylor swift..shake it victory dance..if only snoopy or Heather were here :)

Livin the sweet life...

Halloweenie!!! One of my favorite holidays.  Not because of spooks.. scary movies or thiller being played every 7 minutes but because of the CANDY! Halloween candy isles have their own theme song. You walk in..music plays ..*tada yummy yummy (yes I wrote it) lights flash and rainbows shoot across the beautiful pieces of sugar poison. I can buy enough to last till Thankgiving candy because I dont give out candy to little children..I keep it for myself.. then thanksgiving last till Christmas candy which is pretty damn good. The sweet chocolate that I put in everyones stocking is just a trick cause im really gonna steal it later and eat it myself. Valentines..well we all known how gorgeous that huge snoopy box of chocolates my honey buys me is.. one bite then put that piece back..another bite on a dark piece..then another..yummmm. then I wait for Easter candy..the greatest candy ever!!! Not just the kinds of candy but the beautiful colors put a smile on my face for weeks. And fat rolls on my chin for years. Easter candy doesnt last till 4th of July candy and its not so good and never last till the long wait back to halloween....* trick or treat.. swell my feet..give me cheese n nuts to eat! Bullshit I want poison

Life is a box of choc..shit!

Life happens.. in the middle of life..life just happens.  You get in a routine and then shit starts happening and your routine falls to little tiny pieces..like rabbits turds all over your path to success. I know this blog is about my weight loss journey and the bullshit river im drowning in but I must trail off the norm for a minute. Our darling daughter got married this weekend and I cant tell you the emotional roll a coaster I have been on. Stress yes but watching her be so excited and happy has been true happiness for me. I would hear her laughter as she went from event to event yesterday and it was the most beautiful sound I have ever heard. she has spent her entire life sick but has grown into the strongest most kind women I know who takes no bullshit from anyone. And I could not be more proud to be her mom.... so with all the moving and wedding planning I have had no time to cook and pre..prepare my meals. I haven't eatin a bunch of junk but have skipped meals and left out greens and water somedays. That is even worse than eating bad stuff cause my fat thinks its starvin and wont leave its nice warm home around my stomach. I have not run everyday or even walked fast...I also noticed during this busy busy month that what boobs I have left have become flat. Not flat chested but flat like they have been put in a waffle maker and smashed. WTF. And then I go to the store cause im am constantly going somewhere and I realized today I look like a hobo who has been poppin tags. Ive lost all this weight and half the time my clothes are three sizes too big. Was looking good in clothes that dont ride up into your huge ass not part of the reason for weight loss? I have no answers as to why I do the crazy shit I do but when I find out this scooby doo mystery I will know why I was so damn fat. One day I will be able to open a box of chocolates and eat just 1 piece. Till then I'll keep my head above water one event at a time. One drama at a time. One bullshit pile at a time.

Butt front ...

My bubble butt is gone..its saggin like the two pigs fightin in a sack died and got roasted but my big fat bubble guts are still there. If stress fat is in your belly well I got a 10 lb baby in there! I went to buy a suit today and never ever ever did I image I would buy a size 12 and it be baggy Last time I bought a suit it was size 22... now mind you this is a victory but I want you to know if I didnt have this butt front I could wear a size 10!  I have 50 lbs of skin and fat on my belly..small clothes dont fit that! So when we are dancing and I say smack that ass....I mean the one on the front (b)