.... WHATEVER

BULLSHIT BULLSHIT BULLSHIT.. I have no words, i cant figure out if I'm emotional because I'm starving or my feelings are really hurt.. the tears keep showing up on my face but I think I'm mad?? Fuck if I know. I don't know if anyone else in the room noticed either or even cared. Oh Kimmie is not hurt or mad shes not like that , just say 'whatever' she will go along with any of it, no big deal. Well I guess its not as long as I don't make a big deal out of it. So eat shit with a fork and smile :) that's what I do. At least I would be eating something, I am finally down @ 200 lbs again which is still on the death obese list for my height of 5'2" (when I tiptoe) I ate a boiled egg salad with cucumbers yesterday and a handful of blueberries THAT'S FUCKING IT! Its so hard when the food planning goes to hell because you know you cant cheat , you cant eat after 6 pm and nowhere to just stop by and get fast food poison..so I try to sit quietly and not think about my stomach hurting and my head hurting and now my heart hurts too. I still can cram about 25 small peanut butter cups in my mouth or eat a huge bag of cheetos if I wanted to and I would feel better for 5 minutes... I realize it would only hurt me and I would be right back where I started. I am walking around @ night with a big piece of crunchy lettuce like a god damn rabbit and rabbits are FAT! I feel lost today..just lost..drowning in what I call other peoples bullshit river. where are my floaties?